Not Meant to Be...

Well, don't get your hopes up just yet. That's what I did, then I had to be horribly disappointed. As most of you know Al and I have been trying to have a baby FOREVER. Not really, but 4 years feels like forever when practically every person you know is popping out a kid. We had worked with my OBGYN for a while and finally it got to the point where she wasn't able to treat us anymore, so off we went to a Fertility Specialist. Our doctor has been rated one of America's top 100 doctors a few times, so I knew we were in good hands. I find him to be a great doctor, easy to talk to (I always ask a lot of dumb questions), and very supportive. I've been seeing him off and on for the last 2 years. When we found out we were going to have to do the shots we took some time to save up (they cost A LOT of money). Well we recently started the shots. I didn't feel like telling anyone because I didn't want someone asking me every other week if I was pregnant. Well we did one round of shots and an IUI (insemination) and everything looked good, but no luck. So we did another month of shots and I developed so many follicles that they decided not to do an IUI because the risk of multiples was too great. So they told us to go home and try the "old fashioned" way. Al was upset because he felt like we wasted our money on the shots. Well 2 weeks later I took a test and it came back negative. Surprise, surprise. I decided not to go to my doctor for a blood test. I wanted to rest my arms. I was averaging 4 blood tests a week and I looked like a druggie. Plus my doctor is a good 30 miles away, so I decided to save on gas. Well a few weeks later I went back to my doctor to get a prescription to start shots again and he said since I hadn't started my period I had to get a blood test. Ugh. So I gave some of my blood and my nurse told me she'd call me in the morning.
Well we were having a work lunch-in and one of the guys answers the phone and proceeds to tell me and everyone else that my OBGYN was on the phone...Thanks. So she says, "well the test came back positive." I reply, "oh ok." It didn't sink in. I have gotten 48 months of negatives. So then she says, "You're pregnant." I immediately start crying and shaking. Everyone in my office knew right then. I couldn't wait to tell Al. I even went and bought an Astro's onesie, wrapped it up and gave it to him when I got home. I set up a profile on babyzone. I was ready to go. I only told 3 people (besides my work group), but I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. I'm pregnant. The infertile one is pregnant! Well a few days later I went back into the doctor, more blood work and the nurse called with the results. My HCG levels and rose, but not doubled like they were supposed to. I immediately got on the Internet (bad decision) and tried to find out all I could. Everything was leaning towards a miscarriage. I was devastated, but tried to remain hopeful. I went back a few days later for more blood work and my HCG levels plummeted. My doctor told me I was beginning to miscarry. I got the news at work and had to sit there all day while my heart was breaking. I lost the one thing I've always wanted. I had such a bad headache while I was at work from trying not to ball my eyes out. Some of the guys started making cracks like "Oh you'll never make it 9 months, I feel bad for your husband, etc, etc." I wanted to kill all of them. I hadn't told them yet, so it wasn't their fault, but still it was like pouring salt into an open wound. I felt like it happened so fast I didn't get to enjoy it. Part of me wishes I had never known at all. Then again I was ecstatic because I actually got pregnant. It's been a week now and I haven't started miscarrying yet. I go back for blood work on Thursday to decide what the next step is. I am praying I don't have to have a D & C, but it wouldn't surprise me if I did. I also heard about these pills that make your body contract and force a miscarriage. I don't know what's worse, they both seem awful. I've been so sad about this miscarriage, but I am holding onto the hope that we can get pregnant. There is always the next round of shots and it may work again. Keep us in your prayers and we'll keep you updated.

Garden Try #2

Well I really like gardening for some reason. I think it was because I was never aloud to have a garden growing up. My dad thought it would ruin his yard. He used to be really picky about his yard. I believe this is how my love of gardening truly began because I was denied as a child. Well, off to college I went and I befriended a girl named Randee. The summer of our freshman/sophomore year her family so graciously took me in while we were waiting to begin work at the Reid Ranch. I guess I had to earn my keep, so one day we ended up in her family's huge garden. I was in heaven. We had to weed, plant, play in the mud, shell peas, all the "normal" garden stuff I was deprived of in my childhood. So now that we have a yard Al let me put in a garden. It is a small box garden, but a garden none the less. I love it. Last year it did pretty well. My only problem is once is produces food I don't want to eat it because I feel like I am ruining my garden in some way. So a lot of food went to waste last year. This year though I am really going to use it. I planted things we would actually eat. We cleaned out the garden's soil from last year and found it to be home to a ton of worms. Question: Can one have too many worms in a garden? I wouldn't let Al throw any out, but now I am wondering if too many will ruin my garden. So all you gardeners out there let me know. We also came across 3 cocoon type things. They were about 2 inches long, red, and mostly disgusting, so if you know what this is: let me know. I threw them away because they were just too ugly to have in the garden. So hopefully it is not some super garden bug. But, here are a few pictures of my garden. The cabbage plant is leftover from last year. It took a long time to mature.

Our Austin Easter

This year for Easter we went to Horseshoe Bay, TX. It is about an hour west of Austin. We went with my parents and had a really nice trip. We got in late Friday night because Al's boss wouldn't let him leave early...lame I know. Then Saturday we explored the hotel and their grounds. It was really crappy weather. We did find this amazing hot tub at the Yacht Club and we spent a while in there. Kids took over so we left the hot tub. The rest of Saturday was spent relaxing and hanging out with my parents. That night the hotel had a s'mores bar set up, so we ate lots of marshmallows. Sunday Al and I got a nice hot stone massage ate lunch and headed home. We didn't really focus on Easter Sunday sadly. When we got to Brennan we ran into the most beautiful field of bluebonnets. Hundreds of people were pulled off the freeway taking pictures in the field. Overall, we had an easy, relaxing weekend that we desperately needed.

BlaH

Do you ever just feel blah? I have been feeling this way for awhile. I need to get out of this funk. Maybe I'll plant my garden this weekend.

Rowdy

We've recently acquired a new puppy. He is a little red nose pit bull. We took him in for some friends who found him on the street. We can't take him to a shelter because the automatically put down pit bulls no matter the age. So if someone is interested in the cutest puppy let me know. I'll ship him wherever he needs to go.

My 2 Best Friends

About nine months out of the year I have 2 best friends. For those of you unaware Houston is a giant swamp. That's where we get the name the Bayou City. Houston is extremely humid. Gross humid. Some days in the middle of summer you can't even get completely dry after you shower. Moisture hangs in the air. I have one battle that I fight over and over and it is MOLD! I hate mold. It's nasty, gross, and it seems to be everywhere. I think that I am generally a pretty clean person. I like to clean and sometimes list it as something I do for fun. I am one of those people that likes quick results (that's why I can never lose weight). Cleaning gives me quick results: your house is dirty a few hours later it's spotless. I love that feeling. Anyways, back to mold. Mold loves my bathrooms. Every 3 days or so it starts growing in the toilets. I should invest in Scrub & Bubbles stock because I go through their toilet bowl cleaner like crazy. I've never seen mold grow in toilets like it does here. I've tried everything I can to prevent it, but nothing works. We even have the problem in our shower. Now if I never cleaned my house then I would understand this, but I clean all the time. So this is where my 2 best friends come in. I have to say that a deadly concoction of Tilex Mold and Mildew and Bleach will wipe it out with minimal scrubbing. I also add a little CLR To help with the hard water. Yesterday as I cleaned the shower the fumes were burning my throat, but it was a good burn and I knew I had won the mold battle this week!

Mutt Strut 2009

Today Al and I participated in the Mutt Strut. It was a noncompetitive 5k. It's only the second one of 2009. I am not doing too well on my goal of running more, but Monday is another day and we are going to start waking up and running again. We were able to take Hunter with us today. I think he enjoyed it. We got home around 10:30 and it is now 3:30 and he has been asleep since we got home. They had tons of dogs there. I didn't run today, but I did walk. It was really cool because it was at the airport and we actually ran on the runway as planes were coming in to land. Of course we were on a separate runway that wasn't being used, but the planes were landing probably 30 feet away. There was tons of airport security around. I've always liked animals, but ever since we got Sophia I have felt that we need to get rescue animals. All of our animals are rescue animals now. I've been really educated by some people here who are all about rescue animals. So now I am anti backyard breeder. I think it is so selfish and irresponsible when people breed their animals to make money off of them. There are so many innocent animals who die in shelters everyday. It makes me so sad to think of all of them. Doing this 5k we were able to raise money to donate to the HSPCA (the Animal Cop show on Animal Planet). So I want to thank those that donated money to our team. We almost reached our goal, but either way I hope we were able to save a few animals today.